Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...

If you have no fear of getting a bit tangled in the mass of neuroses that is me, then read on:

Today I went on campus to do an errand and visit with the Goddess of Beauty herself, Whitney Reed. While I was there, I was struck again by some very strange and contradictory emotions. I couldn't help but feel that i DIDN'T BELONG there. And yet, for the last two years, I certainly did belong there. I saw familiar faces, some friendly, some nonchalant. It was great to be there and yet a wistful experience as well. Walking by the my office that wasn't mine was unsettling and made me miss Lianne. I was at home, yet out of place. I wanted to be back in school and yet I was glad that I wasn't. SO CONFUSING! I think it would help me move on if i just knew what I WANTED out of a career. Admittedly, I also just don't wanna grow up.

It was another manifestation that the more things change, the more things stay the same. Guys who "used to be straight" were milling about. New choral TA's were conducting "my" choirs. My protege, Timmy W., declared triumphantly that he had taken up my pestering of Patrick B.

At any rate, it was great to see old friends and cohorts again. I'm only sad cuz I LONG to play frisbee, and everyone is either working or in school. That's what sucks about having a day off in the middle of the week. C'est la vie. I will content myself with a glass of peach iced tea the size of my head and some sun out on the dock.

PS, goodbye August. Here comes the Fall...

"Always tripping and stubbing her bruised way through the world..."

The title is from a short story by Sarah Orne Jewett describing an old woman with bad eyes. Hillarious!

Musings from the weekend:

1) The gays HAVE taken over. I was at a party with Eddy and some of his friends where there were many guys who reeked of straightness but were getting WAY too into the gayest music I've ever heard (and this includes at gay clubs)! Sheesh.

2) Shattered is one of the funnest places ever, especially when cute-but-drunk girls pounce upon you and demand that you dance with them.

3) Eddy has the cutest butt ever that he likes to show off the in the tight and tattered jeans he wore Saturday night. I can't get that image outta my head. Sorry, I'm sure that was TMI for everyone.

4) There is very little in life that can compare with reading by a lake with a fountain soaking up sun on one of the prettiest days of the year. One thing that does is waking up at 2:30pm and getting Chipotle with Eddy G.

5) I think the true meaning of love is when you don't HAVE to be with your significant other all the time, but are satisfied in getting as much time with that person as possible and then contenting yourself with merely thinking about that person in the interim. I just realized that today.

Quotes from the weekend:

Drunk girl outside a bar: Why don't you have a shirt on?
Craig: Cuz it's hot.
DG: But why don't you have a shirt on?
Craig: Um, cuz we're hot.
DG: But I'm curious as to know why you don't have a shirt on.
Craig (on the inside): Man this girl is drunker than we are!

Eric: I'm freezing!
Craig: Awww, poor skinny Mexican!
Rina: Let's get him a poncho!

Rina: I wonder why she's taking so long. Do they have a lot of people inside?
Craig: No, they're always slow. They probably just hang out in the back and...
Rina (interrupting): And have Girls Gone Wild Parties? Yeah, that's it!

Final thoughts for tonight: Hooray for gay Russians named Tchaikovsky. Also hooray for straight ones named Rachmaninoff. Also hooray for movie popcorn bearing neighborly lesbians!

Guten Morgen

This morning I finally forced myself out of bed with about three minutes until I was supposed to be at work. I called the store to let them know I was on my way, changed clothes in the parking lot, and showed up bleary-eyed and big haired (hooray for bed head). What have we learned from this? I AM A ROCK STAR!

We are the gay

This is an update from last night. I just had a coversation with said co-workers (this time with Callie as well). She said: well don't you all (i.e. gay people) know each other? When you join the club they give you a nationwide directory with everyone's names in it. And Jesse (the now questionably straight jeweler) asked if it included bios complete with penis size. Uggh. I just reponded: Yes we're all interconnected like the Borg. "We are the Gays. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."

Prop me up beside the jukebox. . .

I heard this Joe Diffie classic on the way home from work tonight, and it reminded me of how it really is my mantra. I may want to be remembered for a little more than a jukebox song, but I certainly have the stubborn, quietly rebellious nature embodied by this song. Click here for the lyrics.

So, Jesse, the jeweler at work, has not had any gay friends before. Keri, the office manager, has had limited interaction with homos. Both are having WAY too much fun with the gay thing at my expense. Some quotes below should be sufficient illustration:

"We'll go if the 'gay squad' goes. They're the glue holding this thing together."

"We were thinking about calling the 'queer crew' to see if they wanted to go out tonight."

"Goodnight, Craig, don't get too straight on us, now!"

Sheesh!

Le nuove musiche

Last night I read through some Rachmaninoff art songs with Rachel. I love "discovering" new music! The process is quite exhausting though. So afterwards I fell into a big bowl of popcorn and an episode of Malcom in the Middle.

I am finding that I hate Hvorostovsky right now. He sings soprano/tenor art songs only one step below the original key, which makes me want to aspire to sing that high. In addition, these transpositions are not to be found in print (at least here). English speaking countries REALLY need to get on the ball and start publishing performable editions of these Russian composers. Our library didn't even have an edition of Tchaikovsky art songs with the original Russian, only German and English. (Pause to shake fist and mumble scathing remarks unintelligibly like an old man). So for now, it's either spend the next millenium entering music into Finale for transposing, or getting a larynx transplant if I want to sing some of these pieces.

I'm your hell, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between

Last night, I was in a great mood despite the Cubs losing and being tired. Ed came over and we joked around and ate pizza. Then we made our way downtown to meet peeps from work for an evening on the town. We ended up at Trops where I all of a sudden became very belligerent. I just WANTED to be mad. I even got pissy with the bartender who bragged that he was also the head bouncer at Deja Vu and would be glad to "offer some assistance" in getting me out of there. Ed and Michael had already left for El Rancho, so I preyed upon the unfortunate Jesse in the parking lot: I proceeded to rail upon the evils of the world. Finally I met up with the boys at late-night mexi-land and calmed down a bit. On the way home, I appologized profusely to Ed and then began to cry. WTF?? I seriously think I'm almost bipolar sometimes.

Today involved semi-nude iPod listening on the dock with Ed, much Coke Zero (sooo good!), quarry swimming (including rope swings and diving boards), and then dollar burgers at Big Twelve. I am now watching a Discovery channel special on the Amazon aptly named "Amazon Abyss." I must confess that I'm glad I did NOT watch this BEFORE swimming in the deep and murky quarry!

Some of my new favorite things: Radiohead, trespassing/quarry swimming, my neighbor named Rina who tallies her freckles and had her sandwich stolen by a baboon (see link for full story), and hours of underwater nature shows.

Most rediculous occurance of the weekend: being told by my rather intoxicated 22-yr old boss that I owed it to myself to experience a really hot woman at least once because how do I know I wouldn't like it and 'cuz what I do is pretty weird. Funny how he was offended when I retorted that by that logic, he owed it to himself to try a hot guy.

Diamonds in the rough

So yesterday at work, the UPS guy put some packages by the back door instead of in the basket where they belong. The diligent cleaning crew, thinking they were trash proceeded to throw them in the dumpster! We realized that boxes were missing when a special order that was supposed to arrive today apparently never showed up. After some sleuthing, it was discovered that they had in fact arrived and a hunt for them ensued. Luckily, there were some "good samaritan" mexicans working construction next door who happily plunged head first into the debris to find the boxes, and thus rescue nearly $7,500 worth of merchandise. Perhaps now I will not so hastily judge my friends' dumpster diving habits!

Last night I had some of the most fun I've had in a long time. After a brief hiatus from each other while he was in Rolla, Ed and I hung out. I love the excitement of seeing him after we've spent a few days apart. We jumped a rather tall fence topped with barbed wire to get to an awesome quarry for swimming. Much naked hillarity ensued (to coin a phrase). It was awesome swimming in the bright light of the full moon. It must be said that I have the hottest and most fun bf ever! It was almost unsettling in a way, though, as the water was very deep and the clouds crossing the moon made the atmosphere ethereal.

The night was topped off with scrumptious homemade chicken quasidillias (sic), my favorite torilla chips, and rum and coke. Combine that with Eddy G... Wow! Yes, life is good!

Der Mond hat eine schwere Klag erhoben...

I just got back from running. In my conversations with the foggy moon, I realized how selfish and pessimistic I've been lately. I had the wonderful opportunity lately to hoste three of my best friends who came in from out of town. While I love seeing friends, I get very anxious when others are in my space. The very selfish side of me caused me to get very stressed out about the whole situation (combined with work, no sleep, etc.). I'm so sorry that I took that approach and almost let it overshadow the fact that I got to spend some time with my friends, some of whom came specifically to see me. I am so blessed to have wonderful friends in this world including my wonderful boyfriend who put up with my craziness and quite simply assuaged my stress with the three most beautiful words "I love you." I love you back babe!

PS, if you go running after having a gin and tonic in 90 degree weather with a bajillion percent humidity, expect to come back quite flushed!

Back to good

Tonight, on my way home from work, I noticed how the setting sun cut a blood-red swath through the deepening twilight sky. To the east, the full moon hung like a luminescent orb that was just out of reach in the purpled night. Sunsets are my favorite. Each one is different. Those who have had the privilege of being in the mountain west know how the mountains look like they're on fire with the setting sun at times.

School is starting next Monday, and while I won't miss tests and certain homework or Crabby professors, I do miss that excitement, that air of expectation and renewal that accompanies the returning school year. I will miss seeing friends on a regular basis, if only just in passing, as well as the ability to go and do lunch at the drop of a hat. I will miss the broadening of horizons, new discoveries, and change in perspective that comes with learning. One can do these things on one's own of course, but there's something unique about the university experience.

It doesn't help that I'm not gaining any satisfaction from my current job. Although it's hard to admit, I must also add that being graduated carries a stigma of being old. Now I must act like an adult, not a student. And I'm just not ready to do that!

I am now a blogger

So I have created a blog. I have joined yet another cult-like internet activity to substitute for real human contact. Or maybe it's just a nice way of expressing myself. I MUST be expressive. It's what I do. I guess I don't care if others read or not, but there is something appealing about the fact that anyone anywhere could read about what I put here. It's dangerous and exposing yet safe and hidden. So, hello bloggers! This is me. More to come!